January 2026
Devoting a month to slowing down and focusing on Jesus.
Why? I want to be closer to Jesus, to have a real relationship with Jesus. I want to better know Jesus and in hopes better know his desire/direction for me. I want to lay down my life, and follow Jesus, so to have true life. I want to trust, really trust in Jesus and our Father's love for us.
On the ride home from my in-laws over the new years weekend, about a 4 hour trip, a desire was forming into a plan. I didn't say anything to my wife, not yet, just let the desire and ideas swim around while I asked Jesus about them. On January 4th, before I went to sleep, I decided I was going to slow down on trying to create new revenue streams, repair but not build up on our business, quit video games for the month, and focus on Jesus like I should have been doing. Part of this focus was in books, devotionals, music, and simply talking and hopefully more listening to Jesus.
Day 5: Began talking to Jesus on the ride to work, actually talking not just in my head, and found it surprisingly difficult to speak. I did finally talk, but I really didn't anticipate such a challenge to do so.
Day 5: Dogs get out of the fence, and the fence is falling apart, roughly $1,200 and a lot of my labor to fix. Sigh. (Found a better fence for a better price, about half the cost.)
Day 5: Told my wife I'm giving up games for the month, and she's not happy. We just started a new map on a game we both enjoy, and me taking a break kind of messes that up. Sigh.
Day 5: Start reading more and listening to another book at work, “Wild at Heart”, by John Eldredge. Read and listened to it a lot at this point, but I wanted to start with it this month too.
Day 6: A question arises from my Audible book Wild at Heart. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, truly come alive, and then go do that. Because the world needs Christian men that are truly alive. Ask what it is you truly want to do (with Jesus at your side) and then ask God. Don't ask how, that's God's territory.
Question: What makes me truly come alive? What is it I want to do? Jesus, what say you?
On Day 12, and I'm still asking this question.
February 5, 2026, I’m still asking this questions. My answer has been and still is simply that I want Jesus, I want Jesus. I want my family cared for and I want to help others, but most of all I want Jesus.
Day 6: on the ride home from work I finish my Audible book, and put on music. More often than not God will speak to me through music. I even ask him too. I switch my app over to YouTube music, pick my massive mix of music, and ask God to please speak to me. My music taste is all over the place, so I like using the massive mix, going to shuffle, and seeing what comes up. This time I asked God to speak to me, and he did. A song came on that had me in tears, body shaking emotions, poured up out of me because the song brought me back to my first writings, my first books, and a time I felt close and personal with Jesus in so many parts of those late night pages.
Day 6: Oldest dog, Six is his name not age, he's roughly 7 maybe 8, and he's sick. Something is wrong, and so I tell my wife to get an appointment at a vet and hand over $120. I like animals, and I don't want an animal to suffer, but I don't like the cost and restraints on life because of animals. If not for my wife and children I wouldn't have animals.
Day 6: Dish washer broke. Took a few attempts, a couple hours, and some messes, but got the dish washer fixed, thank you, Jesus.
Day 6: Got the chance to bless a family, and I took it, and it felt good :). Thank you, Jesus.
Day 7: Tried talking to Jesus out loud again and again it seemed like a struggle. Jesus, please, break down whatever barrier, my own or demonic, that is trying to keep my mouth closed to you.
Day 7: Six, our oldest dog, went to what my wife calls doggie heaven. Emotional tears all around. At least he's not suffering anymore.
Day 8: Woke up at 4:45am to head to work, only to be told by Rainy that our oldest son didn't come home last night. I didn't freak out, told myself to trust in Jesus. I checked his room, found his bike still parked outside, so I called him. He'd stayed the night at a friend's house, and managed to forget to tell us. He's 3 months shy of 18, out of school, works a full-time job, so we don't treat him like a child, but I did remind him to tell his parent's next time, so we don't needlessly worry.
Day 8: Started another book on Audible, “Resilience”, by John Eldredge. Seems fairly accurate to this month's desire to focus on Jesus and trust in him.
Day 8: Talked to Jesus this morning on the car ride to work. Didn't struggle today. Partly I think because I asked Jesus to help me speak to him and partly because I am disappointed that our dog died without much warning and was playing and chasing his ball around like normal until he wasn't. Just . . . Sucks, I guess.
Day 9: Question, what do I want? The only desires I can truly pick out with confidence is to be best friends with Jesus, be in a real relationship with Jesus and our father. And, to not fail my family, not faith wise, not love wise, not wisdom wise, and not providing wise. After these two the only thing that remains for certain is that I want Jesus to bring me with him on an adventure/mission to help others in some way, some how, that I trust Jesus knows best for me and those around me.
Day 9: Argument with son turns into argument with wife turns into crap night.
Day 10: Saturday training day at work. Nothing much but several hours of training and a test I think everyone passed.
Day 10: Made up with wife, thankfully.
Day 10: Eclipse, our youngest dog, escaped again. Waited on the roof to see Eclipse use his escape route, found it, and boarded it up. Maybe work maybe not. Cracked through my thumb nail with my drill. Bled and hurt a lot. (Didn’t work, Eclipse found another way out. Boarded that way up too.)
Day 10: Oldest son and I talk, he's depressed, he just broke up with his girlfriend. He's decided to try and get into Job Corp, help get his life together. We'll see what God says.
Day 11: I decided to play a game with my wife. The idea was to stop gaming, but I was subbing the time by watching movies with my wife, which is even less active than gaming.
Day 11: Sunday, I get up at 6, about an hour later than usual, get some coffee, and read a book for roughly an hour and a half. Afterwards, bored, I decided to play a game. There's little time left, and my morning is filled with parenting as I let my wife sleep in on the weekends, so that's about it for the morning.
Day 11: Oldest son no longer wants job Corp, and is looking better. He's talking to me, we're bringing God into the mix a lot, and I have to say thank you Jesus for clinging to my son and not letting him fall during these hard moments.
Day 11: Sis comes over and we have a dual family pancake night with strawberries and home-made sweet cream. It's a winner.
Day 11: We come to a close with not much but a somewhat relaxing day, relaxing as a household of 9 can be anyways.
Day 12: Back to work, and a new Audible book. This time it's “Walking With God”, by, yep, John Eldredge. Halfway through the day he brings up a point I have to stop and make note of.
God Note: "It's not what he (God) isn't giving, but what he is giving." -Walking with God, by John Eldredge-
Prayer: Here I stand lord on a line before paths, and I don't want to go any further in life without you, Jesus. Do you hear me lord? I don't want to go any further in this life without you! Tears.
Day 12: Stopped off at a park on the way home and took a walk in the woods to try and listen and speak with God. The walk was nice, I spoke the prayer written above and tried to listen. What I heard was that if I'm going to center my life around Jesus I have to let go of everything else. One such thing I heard loud and clear was to let go of my fears.
Day 13: Wounds
I don't trust love. My mother betrayed my father. My father betrayed my mother. My sister betrayed her husband. My x wife betrayed me. I betrayed a marriage. Friends betrayed their lovers. I don't trust love to remain, to be loyal. I need to hand this wound over to God, and trust in Jesus’s love that does not betray or leave.
Day 13: Took another walk around the park after work to talk and listen with God. I talked, but I didn't hear much. Jesus, please help me to better listen and know you, please.
Note: I Need to know the scriptures better.
February 5, 2026: Been listening to the Bible NIV version, and I’m on proverbs now. Been a long road, over 40 hours so far, but I am learning and growing. Thank You, Jesus.
Day 14: Woke up with my mind racing. Fears of not having enough, financial plans, money just overran my thoughts this morning even before I made it to work. Trying to refocus on Jesus, I'm talking to him, remembering to trust in Jesus and our father God. Still trying, getting better, less fear and more a calm thought process now. Jesus, help focus my everything on you.
Day 14: Had a credit on my Audible account and finished another John Eldredge book, so I was about to buy a book I've been wanting, Investing for Dummies. I like these books, and I'm playing around with stock, so I wanted that book. But I stopped, and I asked God what I should do. I'm trying to listen and make Jesus my center, so I asked. I got nothing at first, and I kept asking. Then I got a reminder, I need a stronger foundation in God's Word. Almost reluctantly I heard God directing me towards the Bible. After trying to weasel out of it, I bought a NIV audio Bible, and knew I had done the right thing.
Day 14: Listening to my new audio Bible, Noah had survived the flooding, at this point, I thought of the Bible as a giant love story about God. That's when I heard God.
God Spoke: I love you. :)
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you too!
Day 15: Another day, another challenge. By the end of the day nothing really happened, that was not just another day.
Day 16: I think I'm going to cry or fall over and die from budgeting. I got real with myself and my grocery budget, and it hurt. I'm spending way more money than I had on my budget, and the painful part is there is not much I can change. Sigh. I ignorantly had my grocery budget at $800 a month when in reality its closer to $1,500!
Day 17: Spent all day Saturday outside working on the front yard fence, and family came out once the sun warmed things up a bit. An exhausting but wonderful day.
Day 18: Sunday, I relax.
Day 19: I tried to relax. New dog kept getting out of the fence, and I finally found where, so I spent most my morning fixing the fence. Outside already, cold, I figured I'd go ahead and change the oil in our cars. What was annoying at first, turned out to save my day. I was cold, frustrated with a fence, but getting outside and getting things done felt good. Thank you, Jesus.
Day 20: On the way to work today I'm realizing I'm kidding myself if I think this is only going to be a month thing with Jesus. This has to become a daily thing with Jesus for the rest of my days. I’m in the early days of February and still going at it. This will be a relationship building exercise for the rest of my days. I hope Jesus is willing. I’m going to need his help.
Day 20: Distractions, my 3-day weekend was met with no readings, no Bible, just talk with Jesus. Most of the reasons why is distractions. Video games, family, chores, my own wife, take up my attention. I need to work on this, dedicate a time to Jesus even in the distractions of home and family.
Day 21: I still don't know what direction you're going, Jesus. But I trust you, Jesus, or at least I'm trying to. I need to work on this more, and I will. Thank you, Jesus, for a job and income to pay the bills. Thank you, Jesus, for food, shelter, and the care you provide for me and your family you've blessed me with.
Day 22: "Wait upon the Lord." At work, listening to the Bible, this is what I heard. I have not been waiting on Jesus. I've been nervously searching for ways to save money and make money on my own, and only asked Jesus to help me in doing so. I need to stop. I need to trust in Jesus. I need to wait on Jesus instead of trying to forge my own path. I have forged my own path, and it has failed me every time.
Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." KJV
Day 26: Monday, I kind of forgot about this daily update and have missed several days. In short, not much has changed far as family and work. I have had a few more good, tears down my cheeks, moments with Jesus. Recent one was on my way home Friday thinking about Jesus walking with me, helping me stand and climb over obstacles, but most importantly, he was always there, never left me.
Side note, we finished all of the front yard fence except the gate. I'll have to get that next pay check.
Day 26: order a part to replace a failing vacuum fuel system on my car. Hopefully it'll work. February 5, 2026 and the part has been delayed, still delayed, and supposedly will arrive on the 10th.
Day 27: I want a plan from God, I want a road map detailing my life. What I want, I will not get. God's word came to me on a walk, reminding me that to walk with God is to walk by faith. I felt Jesus reminding me of doubting Thomas, the disciple that refused to believe Jesus had returned until he'd seen him and touched the wound in Jesus's side. I will not get a plan or detailed road map. I must wait on the lord, as I've been told, and I must have faith, as all those before me had to have.
Day 28: Lean on God, trust in our father God. Jesus loves me, Jesus is with me.
Feelings and thoughts surrounding the words I've tried to write in a poor example of God speaking to me. "Look upon your greatest ideas of a home (a home on a beautiful mountain with a rocky stream.) It is beautiful, but it does not compare to what I will give you in heaven. Do not let your heart desire for things of this world. Desire that which is in heaven, where they do not decay and can not be taken from you. I have prepared a place for you in heaven with me."
Day 29: Feeling somewhat restless, I remind myself I'm to wait upon the Lord. I'm to chill out and wait to see which direction Jesus is wanting to take me.
Day 30: "What do you want?" You, Jesus. I want you! This was said in frustration, as I was truly thinking of what I want.
Day 31: The snow came, and we played. Saturday was a good day and evening. Didn't get much done, but we did have some family over, played cards, and played in the snow twice. It was a good day. Thank you, Jesus.
The end of January.
Currently writing on the month of February 2026.
Trust that Jesus Loves you.